How NOT to start a cold sales call

1. “Hello, how are you today? (allow dead silence for a minimum of 12 seconds)”
2. “…oh, you ARE there. I didn’t think you guys were still in business”
3. “Hello MR. OR MRS. OR MS. PROSPECT, I would like to spend the next 20 minutes going over my list of 35 features and benefits and then asking which one applies to you.”
4. “Hello, is the man of the house there? Oh this is the man of the house.”
5. “Hello Brain. I would like to tell you Brain about some exciting…do what? I’m sorry, BRIAN.”
6. “Hello, may I speak to someone with some real decision making or purchasing power over there? You gotta a department like that over there?”
7. “Hello, do you mind if I put you on speakerphone? We’re training our new telemarketers”
8. “Please do not hang up until you have heard the complete 28 minute recorded message of this special offer. After the recording I will rejoin the call.”
9. “Before we begin, may I have a credit card number, name on the card and the expiration date please?”
10. “Hello lead source=web…oops, wrong field”
11. “I looked at your website and I think I’m qualified to consult with your president now about where to take your business”
12. “Is Bill there? In a meeting? Can you barge in there and hand him the phone? I’ve got my goal to meet.”
13. “Hello, is this the ACME company? I’m with the ACME company…Janet?”
14. “Are you ready to have you’re FREAKING MIND BLOWN?”
15. “Hey there sweetie. You sound sexy. Why don’t you run along and get your boss for me.”
16. “There’s a bomb in your building. I am the only one who can diffuse it. Let’s make a deal”
17. “I have a PowerPoint that coincides with this cold call. Would you mind registering with Web Ex and then following along?”
18. “My god you talk loud…you wanna turn your phone down a little bit for me?... anyway…”
19. “If you are in need of new laminate siding/copier/cell phone/recruiting services/tree trimming…PRESS 1”
20. “Oh my god, that has to be the most obnoxious Midwest accent I have ever heard. So what’s your job over there?”
21. “Do you currently own your own home? Are you 18 or older and carry a valid driver’s license? If so I have some exciting news for you.”
22. “Wait, don’t hang up like the last guy…”
23. “I have been sending you hundreds and hundreds of emails and you never respond. I finally just had to call”
24. “I can see you from a window across the street”
25. “Do you mind if our attorney jumps on the line. We wanna make sure and get all of your responses recorded correctly”
26. “Hey, I’m in the elevator headed your way. Can you get everyone in the conference room in 10 seconds for a presentation?”
27. “A priest and a rabbi walk into a gay bar…”
28. “Tom told me to give you a call. What do you mean you don't know Tom. T-O-M, Tom..."
29. “Knock, knock…who’s there…orange…orange who?…Orange you gonna ask me how I can save you some money?”
30. "Wait, before I get started here, can I get your email address and home phone in case we get disconnected"