Man Found Dead on Seattle Golf Course

SEATTLE TIMES BREAKING NEWS:
A man was found dead on local course from apparent overdose in golf. Investigators say the body was found hunched over the hole on the 17th green apparently retrieving what looked like crumpled paper, sticks and feathers fashioned into a make shift golf ball. The victim was found on the Coyote Creek course at the Willows run golf course in Redmond clutching a score card that recorded over 215 holes played with only one double bogey at the hole where the body was found. Everything before that was scored one below par, a birdie. The identity has not been disclosed, but initial reports indicate a male, 6'2'', dark hair, early forties wearing a Kirkland Brand golf polo shirt and tan trousers. The body was found dehydrated, sun burned and disgruntled over exorbitant food prices at the course concession stand. He apparently forgot about the turkey sandwich and Payday that he packed in his bag from home. Foul play was initially suspected when several of the victim's clubs were found tossed about and embedded in trees and bushes in a close vicinity to the hole on which the body was found. This was ruled out by a grounds keeper that witnessed what can only be described as the "most horrific man tantrum I have ever seen". Friend and relatives stated earlier today, "It's exactly how he would have wanted to go." Others were quoted as asking, " How could this have happened?" and "I can't see how he took a mulligan, went into the water, came out of the water, back into the ravine, and out of the ravine and into the sand and three putted and only got a double bogey?" A funeral has not been scheduled as of this reporting but sources say it will involve the deceased being placed into a golf travel bag lined with 500 thread count sheets and pillows stuffed with 1 week old Norwegian Snow Goose down and buried at sea in one of the ponds on the North Course at Sahalee Country Club.