Response to want ad for Reference Number:HCS284

"Job Description:A Textile Carpet manufacturer has an opening for a Sales Representative with High-end Carpet sales experience. Must have sales experience with Hospitality, Contract, Residential, Commercial, or Retail Carpet companies with strong programs in both Woven and Print. The Sales Representative will be responsible for building relationships with buyers, manage daily sales responsibilities, and develop programs for specific customer accounts."

I read that and came to what can only be described as a Jack Nicholson "As Good as it Gets" moment. Gone are the days of First Class jet setting to sunny So-Cal for a quick back nine before a colossal time waste of a meeting at noon about cutting the bottom line. Gone are the restless nights spent with the beer sweats in a king size bed between sheets that cost more than my best suit in a quasi-post modern personality hotel with a complimentary happy hour, substandard nautilus gym, and as much Lodgenet™ porn that a liberal arts college major with deficient math skills can proficiently bury in an expense report. Gone are the herb encrusted filets and the 18 year-old scotch calls from Smith & Wollenski at 4:00 in the afternoon. These are all the things I reminisce about as my fat, middle-aged, cynical ass sits on 635 trying to manipulate my $240 a month gas guzzler across three lanes to get home to my 3 lovely line item dependents, my cat shit eating dog, my mortgage, my hopeless attempt at a lawn and my ever growing laundry list of yet-to-do-to-the-house-but-I'll-get-to-it-on-Sunday-'s. All my options have surmounted to my current position or this miserable piece of shit so called "opportunity" trying to foot cram one more "value-added resource" into the already over bloated, oversold, undifferentiated market of business to business commodities. One more Ford Taurus or Dodge Intrepid parked in the back of a business park in Grand Prairie idling while listening to the Ticket and reading the paper. One more day spent handing out business cards and collateral with invaluable information that ends up topping off the trash cans inside every office in the DFW Metroplex. One more 30 minute, technically challenged powerpoint presentation to a daft 19 year old receptionist that has all the decision making authority of an oompla loompa in Willy Wonka's Choclate Factory. All of this only to come back to the office and fill out a 3 page excel spreadsheet flagging it as a "Class 3 Potential Opportunity" that only needs about 8 more months of qualifying and filling out a prospect analysis of said receptionist as the key relationship that will bank roll your entire 4th quarter.
Ah, life.